https://evolutionmale.wordpress.com/2011/08/22/eye-contact-part-3-the-look-of-love/

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“Tenderness and respect—never selfishness—must be the guiding principles in the intimate relationship between husband and wife. Each partner must be considerate and sensitive to the other’s needs and desires. Any domineering, indecent, or uncontrolled behavior in the intimate relationship between husband and wife is condemned by the Lord.” —Howard W. Hunter

  

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     Welcome to Lesson 04! As we move forward, we hope that our lessons are having a positive impact on your marriage and inspiring you to make any necessary improvements to promote a loving and enduring relationship with your spouse.  In this lesson, we are going to discuss emotional intimacy, why it is important, and how you can cultivate it in your marriage. 

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     The word intimacy derives its meaning from the Latin word, “intimus,” meaning innermost. Intimacy refers to something private or personal that contributes to an individual’s establishment of intimate ties (2). But there is more than just one type of intimacy! 

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     The term intimacy is often related to something of a sexual nature in the context of a romantic relationship. However, researchers have found that most people consider intimacy to be more than just sex— and many feel that intimacy does not have to involve sex at all (2).  In some clinical settings, it has been observed that partners who are sexually satisfied might not feel emotionally close to one another. And similarly, a partner’s feelings of emotional intimacy and connectedness may not assure sexual satisfaction within a relationship (4).

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     Sexual intimacy can definitely play an important role in a marriage relationship; however, recent studies have shown that emotional intimacy is far more relevant to relationship satisfaction then sexual intimacy (2)!

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Emotional intimacy is fostered in close relationships, but intimate relationships and close relationships are not the same thing (2). Because emotional intimacy is so vital to a marriage, it is important to understand the difference between intimacy and closeness. This is the focus of our lesson this week.

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https://couplestherapyinc.com/intensive-couples-sex-therapy-retreat-intimacy-sexuality/

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Intimacy Versus Closeness

 

     Intimacy and closeness are two terms that are often used interchangeably, but they hold very different meanings. Closeness is usually a significant component of an intimate relationship, BUT a close relationship can still exist without intimacy (2). The goal of a married couple should be to have BOTH closeness and intimacy. 

 

     Researchers designed a study in an effort to define closeness and intimacy (2). They asked their participants to give meanings for each word. This is what they found.

 

Closeness has 4 main qualities:

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• Mutual Acceptance

In other words, the individuals in the relationship are non-judgmental. Mutual acceptance allows two people to be together without feeling the need to impress each other.

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• Relationship Expression

This quality refers to the way both individuals express the closeness or value they hold in the relationship. Individuals can do this through words and also through body language.

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• Length of the Relationship

Close relationships are usually dependent on the amount of time two people are together. The longer the duration of the relationship, the closer two people can become. 

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• Global affect

This is a term that simply means two people in a close relationship will express positive feelings and emotions such as warmth, caring, liking or loving.

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Intimacy, on the other hand, is a little more complex than closeness. It consists of the following 7 qualities:

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• Self-disclosure

Intimate partners are willing to share personal information with each other. They know each other very well and don’t keep harmful secrets. 

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     Questions to consider:

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     When you get home to your spouse at the end of the day, do you sit down in front of the television, or do you sit down        with your spouse over dinner and share what went on at work, with the kids, or with your day-to-day activities?

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     Do you like to share stories from when you were younger?

 

     What are some of the differences in the ways that each of you were raised, and differences in the places where you          lived? 

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     Do you know each other’s most embarrassing moments?  

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     Do you discuss your dreams for the future? 

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• Emotional expression

Not only are intimate partners willing to share personal details of their lives, they are also willing to share their concerns, worries, and affection toward each other. Intimate couples are not afraid to be vulnerable with each other, and they make sure to regularly express their love for each other.

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• Support

Intimacy in marriage requires both physical and emotional support, especially during times of crisis. Intimate couples do not run from each other when times get uncomfortable or difficult; they stand by each other. There is reason why many marriage ceremonies repeat the words, “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.” Life gets messy, but intimate couples choose to support each other through it all.

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• Trust

Trust is a very important component of an intimate relationship. Without trust it is difficult to have self-disclosure, emotional expression, and support. Having trust in a marriage relationship means having confidence that your spouse will not expose personal information that should remain private. It is also having confidence that your spouse will always be there when needed. 

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There is a wonderful article on trust found here: 

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This article identifies trust as, “the very foundation upon which the relationship is built.”  

If you and your spouse would like to learn more about what trust in a relationship can look like and how to develop trust in your own marriage, read this article together and discuss how you can apply it in your marriage.

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• Physical Intimacy

Physical intimacy is also very important in a marriage, but many people don’t realize it can be more than just sex. Physical intimacy also includes hand holding, hugs, kisses, back rubs, etc. 

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“Human intimacy is reserved for a married couple because it is the ultimate symbol of total union, a totality and a union ordained and defined by God. From the Garden of Eden onward, marriage was intended to mean the complete merger of a man and a woman—their hearts, hopes, lives, love, family, future, everything. Adam said of Eve that she was bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh, and that they were to be ‘one flesh’ in their life together [see Genesis 2:23–24]. This is a union of such completeness that we use the word seal to convey its eternal promise. The Prophet Joseph Smith once said we perhaps could render such a sacred bond as being ‘welded’ one to another [see D&C 128:18].” —Jeffrey R. Holland

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• Mutuality

Mutuality refers to all the shared experiences you have with your spouse. In the last lesson we talked about how sharing hobbies and activities together can keep the romance alive in your relationship and keep you from drifting apart. We also covered a few different types of activities you can do with your spouse that can rekindle romantic feelings. Not only do shared activities promote romance—they also promote intimacy! Simple efforts can produce great results. If you’d like a refresher of what types of activities are best, feel free to go back to Lesson 3 and review.

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• Closeness

We already talked a little bit about the four qualities of a close relationship. Most people consider closeness to be a definite antecedent of intimacy, however, it is not necessarily the determining factor of whether the relationship is intimate or not.